KCD Tutorials
Correct Procedure for Sending Drunken E-mails
by Eisenhower 'Ike' Hill

Last-call round of shots for all your drunken friends: $120

Cab ride home to avoid DUI: $60

Realizing that you only live two blocks from the bar: clueless intoxication

Life requires sobriety. But for everyone else, there's always drunken E-mail

The gruff morning light barely starts to penetrate those heavy lids when the full brunt of reality sets in. "Did I send . . . . ? I remember . . . no. . . . I couldn't have . . ."

SNAP! Eyes wide open.

YES! All hail the pure pleasure of panic upon awaking the next morning following a drunken e-mail bender. You showed the WORLD! You let all those bastards know who is running this game. Yes, you let your alligator mouth (well, keyboard) overload your jaybird ass.

We've all done it. Drunken e-mails are the working man's way of dragging a wooden onion crate to a corner of the city and professing current unabashed ills to the world. Who in the hell has the time to do that in the daylight hours anyway? In this modern day and age, e-mail is the best way to de-legitimize yourself the fastest.

There are thoughts and ideas within each of us that fester due to the repetitive "Drunken On" to "Sober Off" roller coaster that is our daily lives. And when we do not try to banish these mental hiccups, we often find ourselves in middle management positions. Therefore it is important to identify, acknowledge and release this cranial constipation in the form of ASCII, aka (American Standard Code for Information Interchange). . . text-happy dumbasses!

Here are a few rules to follow.

1. Never state that you are sending a drunken e-mail.
This is a dead give-away that you are not really drunk enough to be forgiven your forthcoming bullshit, but only lightly inebriated and hence fully aware of what you are about to send.

2. Never EVER use the spell check.
No self-respecting drunk even knows what a "spaell check" is!

3. Never stop with only one "P.S."
P.S. Never stop with one P.S.
P.P.S. Whatever P.S.S follow should never relate to anything at all ever mentioned before in the e-mail.
P.P.P.S. There were some bunnies there, but one had died. Starved. Jesus is like a lawnmower that doesn't work. We ate dinner at Applebee's.

- www.KCDrinker.com - 2007 ©

Eisenhower ‘Ike’ Hill is a high altitude native of Colorado Springs, CO. After extensive blackouts, he now runs guns to fuel the Missouri Border Wars near Kansas City, MO.  He is fully credited for the theory of, "Complete a sentence, and take a shot of whiskey." In his spare time, which is a lot, he enjoys dressing as an (Irish) Catholic priest and hearing the confessions of hot chicks.