Tiananmen Square, Missouri
a.k.a., Chiefs Fridays in Downtown KCMO.
By Ike Hill

It's that time of year again, time to dress up just like everyone else and come downtown just to screw with my mind. Get out your plethora of red clothing; nothing brings out the good old-fashioned feeling of Communist China like a bright red outfit. Then prepare to walk in unison, you know with the nice little high kicks that state you are marching to impress and overwhelm inferior imperialist dog forces. Finally, try to blink when everyone else does, synchronization is the key folks! I do have to admit, I hate the noise that makes.

Yes, its football season and everyone across the KC metropolitan area is gearing up to show their "team spirit" by fashionably coordinating together in red. Nothing says team spirit more than dressing as a full-fledged member of the Communist Party.

Every Friday I sit around and wait for the giant nuclear missile parade to stroll down Main Street, Tiananmen Square, Missouri. My fellow Kansas Citians putting up a show of force meant to rival all. Like a crimson river, they cannot be stopped!

Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of the Kansas City Chiefs. But I just can't bring my self to wear red on a designated day because of "team spirit". Last time I checked, I'm not on the team. I even have a jersey with my name on it thanks to Greg Hill, but there's no way in hell I'm joining the march of red on any damn Friday.

This bitterness may very well come from the last game I attended. The tickets were free, the parking was free, but it's those damn beer prices that sent me into a rage. I was packing a c-note and change for food and booze, but that wasn't enough to feed a 12-year- old, let alone get him drunk. Hell no, a hundred bucks will buy you exactly two hotdogs, three bags of peanuts and nine beers with enough left over to bribe your way into the opposing teams lockers to take a leak. After that, we're talking at least another 50 bucks to enjoy the third quarter! A complete waste of time and money.

I prefer to stay at home where the game can be seen, beer is a short distance away and enough cash is left over to buy me a week's supply of steaks.

Well, maybe it's not so bad. At least there isn't a NASCAR Wednesday. That would look too much like a numerically challenged gay pride parade. GO CHIEFS!!!!

- www.KCDrinker.com - 2005 ©

Eisenhower ‘Ike’ Hill is a high altitude native of Colorado Springs, CO. After extensive blackouts, he now runs guns to fuel the Missouri Border Wars near Kansas City, MO.  He is fully credited for the theory of, "Complete a sentence, and take a shot of whiskey." In his spare time, which is a lot, he enjoys dressing as an (Irish) Catholic priest and hearing the confessions of hot chicks.