KCD: Welcome, John Williams, from the Pot Pie, to KCDrinker. Spotlight Drunk is a
fine honor because…because…well, I won't even go into all the reasons. Actually,
I don't know any reasons…but…
John: Uh…thank you.
KCD: First thing we gotta know, the person who nominated you said you opened your
restaurant partially so you could drink at your establishment - true? Not true?
John: I guess it's partially true. I mean, I've always drank at all of my jobs.
KCD: What is your professional background?
John: I've always worked in kitchens, with an occasional stint at a construction
site.
KCD: Oh, well, that makes sense. I mean, they expect you to drink at a
construction site.
What prompted you to open the restaurant?
John: Just to be my own boss, to do my own thing, to not work in a fucked up
industry telling me a bunch of bullshit.
KCD: Has cooking always been a hobby of yours?
John: No. It was a job I got when I was 19. It was a hand. I played it.
KCD: Wow. Guess you're playing that hand a lot now as head chef and all. How do
you feel about midgets in diapers?
John: (immediately) Hate it. I'm uncomfortable with midgets in general, little
people. And anyway, diapers crinkle. It's just…(makes a face).
KCD: What's your favorite drink? What do you like to sip on when you're at work?
John: Oh, Christ, I don't know. I used to be a big bourbon drinker.
KCD: Good bourbon?
John: No, cheap bourbon. That reminds me of this English family that came into the
restaurant the other night. I mean, it was so cool, because they all just got fucking
wasted together. It's a beautiful thing. See, I come from that kind of family. Anyway, did
you know that in England, Old Crow is top-shelf?
KCD: Yikes. So, as a chef, do you change your recipes weekly in the restaurant?
John: We change some stuff. It's not on a real serious schedule. We're not real
fired up about changing the menu all the time. It does rotate, though.
KCD: When you do come up with something new, make up a new recipe, how drunk are
you?
John: Uh…well, I definitely have been. As a general rule, I'm usually not.
KCD: Some of the best-selling items in your restaurant, are any of those
liquor-inspired?
John: The ones from behind the bar are.
**first spill of the night, PBR, with a quick recovery**
KCD: So. You chose this bar, Chez Charlie's, as the bar you wanted to be
interviewed in. Why?
John: It's home turf. I mean, the guy behind the bar is one of my oldest friends.
Don't get me wrong, these guys can be real assholes. It's not one of those bars that you
actually would send people to or anything.
KCD: But if you had your own bar, no restaurant, would you be tempted to do the
same thing to keep the clientele down to just the people you want in there?
John: No! Hell, I have my own bar. We even had a fight in there Saturday night.
Buncha fuckin' bitches, four girls against the bar. My brother, who was tragically drunk,
goes up to them and says "hey, you fat bitches need to leave." All of a sudden,
I'm in the middle of this fight between these four bitches and the rest of the bar.
KCD: Any hair pulling, scratching, atomic wedgies?
John: No. Didn't even approach anything like that.
KCD: How many times have you been arrested?
John: **thoughtful** Hm. Not that many. Let me try to count here. I went to detox
a few times when I lived in Breckenridge, but that's just 'cause they don't want you being
a drunken ass in front of the tourists. Peeing on Main Street is frowned upon and stuff.
KCD: What made you grow the Grizzly Adams beard?
John: You know, I mean, what the hell. It's like, be a MAN. Grow a BEARD. And my
girlfriend likes it - that's the best part.
KCD: Now we want you to dig down for this question. What was your worst blackout
experience - things people have told you?
John: Aw, Jesus. Jesus. JESUS. Wait. I need another beer so I don't rush through
it. OK. This is an easy one. I think I was probably 20 years old, living in Breckenridge,
Colo. And we were house-sitting for this guy who grew weed. We lived in a van in town, so
we were all over the chance to use his house. We smoked all the weed on his coffee table.
We decided to go see MacIntyre Murphy in town, so we got a bunch of booze, and I don't
even know how it happened, but we just got shithoused really quick. So we go to the bar,
we're getting even drunker, when I decided I needed to be on stage, so I'm up there all
drunk singing the wrong song, and we get kicked out. Earlier that day I had been up in
this girl's apartment I had looked at to sub-lease. We're so messed up we can't even get
home, but somehow I end up in this girl's apartment again, and she's there with her
boyfriend watching movies. I come in for a little bit and the last thing I remember is
vomiting on the carpet. When I came to, I'm naked, in the bathroom and I'm like "I
don't even know who these people are and I'm naked in their bathroom." My friend
later told me he ended up stealing a BMX bike and got in a bike wreck with it, then the
cops caught him. Somehow I got back to our van. I come to again, hanging out the back door
of the van. Then one of my friends comes up to me and asks "where's Mike's van?"
That's the guy who was out of town - we had his van at the beginning of the night. I was
like , "hell, I don't know," but I saw I still had my driver's license, so I was
OK. Eventually, we found the van, abandoned, downtown, an empty bottle of whiskey between
the seats, Hank Williams blaring out of the stereo. But we covered for it. No one ever
knew.
I guess the worst (or best) part was being that drunk and naked in these
strangers' apartment. I mean, I'm not a naked guy. I don't do that.
KCD: Congratulations - this is the longest interview we've ever run. Great stuff!
