I am currently seeking employment in MO, KS, PA, FL, TN, KY, UT, CA, NM, NJ, NY, IA, SD, WA...basically any state that will still let me in.

A little about me:
I am a heavy drinker. 
I am lazy, irresponsible and completely inept at any  kind of problem solving.  
I no longer have my own transportation due to multiple DUIs and a meth habit that ruined my credit rating.

In addition, I take extensive sick leave from my  job(s), do not follow "company policy," and am, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, a "team player". The three words that best describe me are: Slipshod, insubordinate and mordant (I get asked that one a lot in interviews!)
I am also highly creative.

If I sound good so far, please review my resume and credentials, available at the following URL: http://www.kcdrinker.com/DrLush/DrLush.htm

Thank you for taking the time to consider me for employment at (Company Name Here), and have a great day!