Are You Spotlight Drunk Material?
by LaToya Prater

People write to us and say "hey, I should be your next Spotlight Drunk," and then proceed to completely fail this quiz. Are YOU KCD material? Find out!

1. How many drinks* (best guess) do you consume a week? Please break down by days you usually drink.
*A drink equals one beer, one glass of wine, or one shot. Mixed drinks that are red, pink, green, blue or have umbrellas don't count. Count two if you drink this crap.

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

Friday:

Saturday:

Sunday:

2. If a train leaves Seattle at 10:10 a.m. traveling 60 mph, and another leaves Boston at 12:10 a.m. traveling 80 mph, and you only have a choice between Bud, Bud Light, Coors Light or PBR, which do you choose?

3. A friend buys a round of shots for the group. You have already consumed entirely too much alcohol, but are still standing and talking, for the most part, without slurring. You:

a. take the shot, regardless of what it is, because hey, free booze
b. refuse the shot, muttering something about "responsible drinking"
c. complain about the type of shot (it's whiskey), and ask if you can have a "Slippery Nipple" or "Kamikaze" shot instead

4. Generally, your friends consider you:

a. The life of the party, drunk but not out of control
b. Conservative in your drinking
c. A slovenly, drunken embarrassment every time

Please complete this questionnaire and return to gfv@kcdrinker.com as soon as possible so that we may begin your evaluation.

Answer Key: 1: If you average less than 20 drinks per week, go back to church or whatever it is you teetotalling freaks do for fun. 2: The answer is PBR, but Bud regular may be considered a correct answer, but only if it's on special. Light beer of any kind is, of course, never an acceptable answer. 3: a. 4: c

- www.KCDrinker.com - 2004 ©

LaToya "GfV" Prater  is a free-lance drinker and writer. A native of New Jersey, she got hammered in Hoboken a few years back and woke up in Kansas City tied to the passenger seat of a '77 El Dorado with Ed Asner wearing nothing but the hand puppet Lambchop. Now a resident of KC, Mo., Prater indulges her overwhelming addiction to editing other people’s copy to earn a paycheck and spends the rest of her time focusing on her three dearest passions: Alcohol, writing fiction and acting (Japanese balloon fetish porn).