Top Singles Scenes in Kansas City
Looking for A Date? Pfff. Forget It.
by LaToya Prater

Recently, the following locations were publicly rated (top to bottom) among the best places 
for singles in Kansas City. Since we all know the only way to meet other people as lame as 
yourself is through online personals, we can deduce this list is bull. 

However, we feel it's our duty to report this information, along with the reasons we think 
these places may have been chosen for this…um…honor.

Kona Grill 
444 Ward Parkway, Kansas City, Mo.
You make eye contact. As fate would have it, both of you are retching - either from the lack 
of air, the sub-par sushi or the obnoxious 18-year-old wait staff. Either way, it's destiny 
baby.

Velvet Dog 
400 E 31ST, Kansas City, Mo.
There's nothing more special than realizing you both use "Sand Storm" Maxim Hair Highlights 
NOW, even though you both used to use "Beach Blonde," which you BOTH think is "so 2003." You 
also both LOVE chocolate martinis and pretending you live in L.A. instead of K.C. 

Raoul's Velvet Room 
7222 W 119th St. Overland Park, Kan.
It's sexy watching over-dressed snobs sweat through their finery to the musical stylings of 
Disco Dick and the Mirror Balls. It's even sexier when they drink amaretto and diet Coke. 
Watch out bikers and hardened criminals - that's HARDCORE.

The Capital Grille 
 4740 Jefferson, Kansas City, Mo.
The what?

Boozefish Wine Bar 
1511 Westport Rd Kansas City, Mo.
He's 46. You're 22. He's got money. Yeah, you'll get drunk on Don P. and sleep with him.

McCoy's Public House 
4057 Pennsylvania, Kansas City, Mo.
McCoy's is good. You aren't likely to get a date here, but you know you already have one 
with your hand later anyway.

Hooters 
6411 NW Barry Rd., Kansas City, Mo.
At KCD, we think this is more of a "first date" kind of place. There's no better ice breaker 
than letting your date watch while a hot, trashy, scantily-clad Hooters girl sits on your 
lap and grinds out an order of delicious, once-frozen fried clams.

Quaff Bar & Grill 
1010 Broadway, Kansas City, Mo.
Face down on the filthy floorboards, you feel the tip of her super-pointy stiletto gently 
nudge you in the eye.

Peanut 
5000 Main St., Kansas City, Mo.
Cold hands on the back of your neck. As you fly down the bar on your belly, you're not 
entirely sorry. The cute blonde whose beer you just knocked in his/her face is still looking 
at you.

Empire Room 
334 E 31st, Kansas City, Mo.
You borrow her black lipstick. Later, she borrows your eyebrow ring. Darth Vader is in the 
corner, drinking a Cosmopolitan and chatting up Marilyn Manson. Blood red lips and darkness 
are everywhere. It's just like being back in the womb.

Molloy Brother's Irish Pub 
1021 Westport Rd., Kansas City Mo.
This is truly a great place to meet people. The table service is so bad you will eventually 
capture another patron, put them in shackles, and make them get your drinks all night. You 
won't tip, of course. At first, they will be angry and hate you, but later you'll laugh it 
all off over a cup of Earl Grey and agree it's "one to tell the grandkids." 

re:Verse 
616 Ward Pkwy., Kansas City Mo.
There's no room to move. You inevitably bump into someone. His face is as tear-stained as 
yours. You see that he, too, has just gotten the tab. You wonder if anyone can spot you six 
C notes.

- www.KCDrinker.com - 2004 ©

LaToya "GfV" Prater  is a free-lance drinker and writer. A native of New Jersey, she got hammered in Hoboken a few years back and woke up in Kansas City tied to the passenger seat of a '77 El Dorado with Ed Asner wearing nothing but the hand puppet Lambchop. Now a resident of KC, Mo., Prater indulges her overwhelming addiction to editing other people’s copy to earn a paycheck and spends the rest of her time focusing on her three dearest passions: Alcohol, writing fiction and acting (Japanese balloon fetish porn).