Drunken Haikus
by Finnegan Schall

I Puked
Bitter fluid warmth
Seeks surcease of fleshy bounds.
Night's money squandered.

I Woke Up With A Dog
Though once discerning,
Through liquors love imbibing,
Morning's shock embraced.

I Drove Drunk
Gauntlet braved once more.
Sobriety's champion.
Red and blue reflects.

I'm Outta Booze
White portal thrown wide -
Hope abounds in questing hands…
Woe, no beer again.

Now, you won't be as good as me on the first try, but don't be discouraged. This month, KCDrinker is having a drunken poetry contest. You have an opportunity to show up the KCD staff of professional drunken writers (professional drunks, not writers). And after a month or two we will pick the best one and that person will win the most fabulous prize ever (free drinks, free event tickets, honorable mention, a date with my mother, or whatever, insert something here.)

That's right, you could win one free 100% genuine (see above and insert here, keep on inserting yeah that's it). Of course once you submit it to us we own it and all subsidiaries forever and ever. But really, who's going to pay for that crap anyway? So besides whatever free crap you win you should face the fact that this is probably your first, last and only chance to ever have your poetry published.

Some ground rules

1. Nothing too serious, try and be funny. Funny web sites, funny drunk poetry, see the connection?

2. Think brief. We might get a lot of these. There is beauty in brevity, remember that size doesn't make a difference.

3. Did I mention funny? Weep for us Jesus.

4. Oh, if your uneducated ass doesn't know what a haiku is, it is a SHORT poem that must follow this structure: First line is five syllables, second line is seven syllables, third line is five syllables.

You don't have to write a haiku, but if your poem exceeds 500 words, you are a loser with too much time on your hands.

Send your crap to shot@kcdrinker.com or any of our other addresses. We DO PROMISE a prize of some sort. Probably a free drink for you and a friend at your bar of choice.

- www.KCDrinker.com - 2004 ©

Finnegan Schall  has great hair. He is perhaps most famous as Rasputin’s decadent love child, with a day job as a mad scientist (while not crazy per se, his antagonistic feelings toward farm animals is considered by some to be deviant). He works a promising night time career in the male stripping industry, and is currently negotiating a lucrative stripping contract with Paris Hilton’s lawyers. His drinking credentials include: Out drinking the Russian, German, Irish, and Australian teams at the International Tag Team Drinking Championship (with the help of Ike Hill). Most famous quote: “Hey that’s my shoe, it’s full of booze, and what’s your name lover?”